Staying In the Present Moment

This post is by Justin Mazza of www.Mazzastick.com.

Letting go of the past in order to move forward is the first step to re-creating ourselves. When we dwell in the past we are giving up the precious present moment.

I’m not suggesting that you can’t reminisce about the past with your long-time friends or take time for personal reflection. But what I am suggesting is that you begin to notice where your thoughts are and bring them back to the present moment.

It doesn’t do any good to be physically present in the “now” but have our thoughts in some other time and place. We can’t change the past but we can re-frame it to something that is more empowering to us.

The past is long gone and the future hasn’t happened yet, so let’s focus where we actually have some influence.

Being present is a great way to begin to focus on and create our reality. This is how I was able to write this blog post by being present. Had I allowed my thoughts to wander, and if my actions were geared towards something else, than I would have great difficulty writing this post.

Before I wrote this post I did some mental preparation work. I made some tea, (I recently gave up coffee) lit some incense, cleared my head by doing some breathing exercises, and voila, the writing begins to flow.

This is my writing ritual that prepares my body and mind to remain present. For some of you, sitting down and writing is effortless but for me it takes a little prep work to get going. Once I am in “being present” mode I could write for hours.

You will also notice that once you master the art of being present that fears and anxiety begin to lessen, allowing creativity and energy to flow.

I remember working at a really boring job when I was a teenager. I couldn’t stay present to save my life. My mind was wandering all over the place as thoughts began rushing through my mind like a faucet turned on full blast. The flow became almost unbearable to me. I wish I had known about being present back then. Since that time I have observed some habits that cause us to stop being present.

Things that cause us to have difficulty staying present

  • Lack of sleep. Lack of sleep and adequate rest is the number one cause of accidents in our lives. Be sure to make sleeping and resting a priority. I know for some of us that this is not a problem.
  • Lack of exercise. Exercise is important for more than physical appearance. Exercise get’s the heart pumping which allows blood to flow throughout the body. This will help to make sure that your body can heal and replenish itself effectively.
  • Unhealthy diet. We are what we eat, at least on a physical level. I’m not going to get into specifics here but make sure that you are eating foods that are as close to natural as you can get.
  • Unhealthy relationships. The greatest pleasures and the worst pains are caused through our relationships. Let go of relationships that do not serve you and nourish the ones that do.
  • Stuck emotions. Emotions that are not expressed become stuck in the body and this causes emotional discomfort. It’s hard to be present if we are experiencing emotional pain.
  • Lack of variety in life experiences. Variety is the spice of life so it is important to mix it up once in a while. Routines bore me to tears.
  • Too many obligations. We don’t have to go to every social function, volunteer for every event, or stay busy all day and night. Lighten the load where you can.
  • Limiting beliefs about ourselves. Most of us carry limiting beliefs about ourselves that will diminish our life experience. Learn to let go of limiting beliefs and let yourself fly.
  • Uncomfortable environment. This can be our home, our car, our workspace. Create a comfortable environment wherever you spend a great deal of time.
  • Too many goals. I’m guilty of this one. Learn to set goals that are reasonable and allow yourself time to achieve them. We don’t have to complete ten goals a day to be happy with ourselves.

These are some things that can cause us to have difficulty staying present. If you have others to add, please do so in the comments—I would love to hear your feedback.

This post by Justin Mazza from www.Mazzastick.com where he blogs about personal development, health and nutrition, and metaphysical studies.

Twenty-Four Best Practices of Successful People

This guest post is by Barry Demp, of Demp Coaching.

Is excellence within your reach?

I believe it is. You can achieve personal excellence in every area of your life: your work, your family, your health and your relationships. The opportunity is there—you just need to seize it.

When you’re on an intentional journey through life towards a better future, you’re living in a purposeful, engaged way. You’ll feel more satisfied and more fulfilled—not just when you reach that future, but with each step along the way as well.

As you look from where you are to where you want to be, you’ll see a gap between reality and your intention for the future. This gap is powerful—it causes creative tension (an idea put forward by Robert Fritz in the book The Path of Least Resistance).  Creative tension encourages you to take action and make progress.

There are a wide variety of behaviors that help people succeed on this journey. Some of my favorites are listed below. These are success habits of the high achievers—people who pursue personal excellence. They can become some new or expanded best practices in your life.

  1. Know your core values and design your professional and personal life around them.
  2. Master the art of relationship building.
  3. Identify your “successful” and “limiting” habits (both part of your current reality) and learn to Pivot—to constantly adjust your direction as necessary, by looking towards your destination and continuing to take rigorous action.
  4. Develop your leadership, management and coaching skills – these are keys to professional and personal success.
  5. Always do and be your personal best!
  6. Life balance is bunk. What matters is that you are happy. That might mean working 12 hour days – so long as you’re spending your time doing something you love, with people you want to be with.
  7. Give a little extra in all you do. The extra mile doesn’t have a lot of traffic on. By adding value, you give yourself an edge over others.
  8. Use the power of consistent persistence.
  9. Let others contribute to you. No man or woman is an island.
  10. Take “massive action.”
  11. Learn from your mistakes and be prepared to learn a lot.
  12. Become a masterful networker and build your social capital.
  13. Surround yourself with positive supportive people.
  14. Eliminate or reduce the tolerations in your life—the little things which diminish life and sap your vitality. They might be tiny (the shirt that’s too tight around the collar) or huge, involving key relationships (such as an aggressive boss or an abusive spouse).
  15. Un-yuck your life by creating a plan for optimal healthy living
  16. Be self-ish. In order to be your best, you need to take care of yourself first. Take care of your own wellbeing and your needs, and recharge your batteries so that you can allocate your resources and energy to other people.
  17. Be a work-in-progress—always be learning.
  18. Be a giver, a contributor, a person that makes a difference—a coach for others
  19. Take risks and live each day with no regrets.
  20. Learn to manage your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual energy and not just your time.
  21. Know your strengths and use them as much as possible.
  22. Stop working on your weaknesses or find a way to work around them.
  23. Build the creative side of your brain. Daniel Pink does a great job of discussing strategies to do so in the book A Whole New Mind.
  24. Use the 4 magic words- more, less, start, stop.

What do you want to do more of (things consistent with your strengths)? What do you want to do less of (the things you’re tolerating)? Start? (New initiative, area, something exciting.) Stop? (Take things off your plate, rather than adding more and more.)

You already have great habits and behaviors in many areas of your life. We can all learn from one another’s best practices and best ideas—so what tips could you share with other readers, in the comments below?

Barry Demp is a highly-skilled Michigan Business and Personal coach. He specializes in helping small business owners, executives, consultants and other professionals to boost their productivity, profitability, and life balance.

Do Less, Accomplish More

This post was written by Nihara of Doing Too Much.

Does it seem like the more you race around trying to get things done, the less you actually accomplish? Do you feel like you’re constantly tending to little things without making much progress on your bigger, more important goals? Do you often leave behind a trail of half-done tasks as you make your way through each day?

Getting things done—especially meaningful things—is tremendously satisfying. The sense of accomplishment, closure, and a job well-done brings a terrific psychic boost. And if your to-do list stretches for miles, checking something off your list makes you feel a tiny bit lighter and freer.

The converse is also true. When your days are a blur of tasks that are begun but not finished, you can start to feel like you’re drowning in an ocean of things you have to do. You can’t relax or reach your potential when you are completely underwater at work or at home.

There is a solution to the problem of feeling overwhelmed all of the time: do less, and you will accomplish more without even trying. Sometimes, the best time management strategy is also the simplest.

Give your mind less to think about, and you’ll get more done. You’ll make fewer mistakes, you’ll come up with better ideas, and you’ll be able to actually relax during your down time—so you can recharge your batteries and be more productive tomorrow.

If you’re wondering how you could possibly do less or go at a slower pace, here are some ideas to get you thinking.

1. Never do today what you can put off until tomorrow

Not everything needs to be done right now. When you have too much on your plate, it is perfectly okay to postpone the not-so-important tasks to tomorrow (or next week or next month).

2. Lower your standards

Perfection is for magazines and mannequins. Real people don’t have to do everything perfectly all of the time. Doing a so-so job on tasks that are not important is a powerful time management strategy, because you’ll have far more time and energy left over to devote to the projects and goals that matter most to you.

3. Get someone else to do it for you

You are only one person! Even if you never sleep, you simply can’t be everywhere or do everything yourself.

Think of ways to unload some of the tasks on your plate to someone else. If you are drowning at work, can you hand off some of your lowest priority projects to someone junior to you? If you are overwhelmed at home, can you get your spouse or your children to pitch in? Can you create more time in your life by leaning on your network of family and friends, or hiring some help to handle the chores you like the least?

Remember: the less time you spend on tasks someone else could be doing for you, the more time you will have available to focus on things that you (and only you) can do.

For more insights and ideas on how to do less (but accomplish more), read the simplicity posts on Zen Habits—a blog dedicated to finding simplicity in the daily chaos of our lives.

How can you do less—and accomplish more—today?

Nihara is (slowly) figuring out how to make the most of her time and her life—and you can too. Read Nihara’s thoughts on how to live a better, saner life at Doing Too Much.

5 Goal-setting Tips for Working Mums

This guest post is by Jasmin Tragas of wonderwebby.com.

I’m devoted to the four men in my life, so I never wanted work to get in the way of family. But I also love to create, so I also never wanted my role as a mother to prevent me from enjoying my work. Here are five things I’ve discovered along my journey working part time and being a mum to three boys.

my family

Image is author's own

1. Be determined to find your passion

What’s the thing that inspires you to work? What makes you feel alive and puts purpose in your day?

I figured, as long as I was going to work, I wanted to be doing something I loved and gave my work a sense of purpose.

2. Look after yourself

I know it’s common sense, but it’s important. Your wellbeing is vital so that you can give, so that you can be there for your family and be able to pursue your passion with loads of energy.

3. Love to learn

Instead of watching TV, I researched online, subscribed to blogs that inspired me and joined in creative online challenges. At work, I committed to projects and roles I knew would help to improve my skills and move towards something even better.

Practice your love for learning and see what happens!

4. Assess every day

Over the last few years I’ve changed work days, child care arrangements, jobs and support structures.

What works for you and your family today might be completely different the next. Be aware of their needs and your needs so that you are constantly assessing if the balance is right for your family. This also gives you freedom to make decisions, because there’s always an opportunity to change.

5. Persevere

Good things happen. Persevere! If the balance is right for your family, and if you know you’re learning, then you’re moving towards your purpose. You never know what might eventuate!

Jasmin Tragas works part time the Publishing Producer at ProBlogger and is a mum to three boys. She blogs occasionally at wonderwebby.com and tweets @wonderwebby.

Why You Don’t Need to Go Back to School to Re-Engage with Your Work

This post is by Sean from HigherEdCareerCoach.com.

In these trying economic times, many professionals are looking to further education as a way to steel themselves from the brutal reality of layoffs, corporate downsizing, and becoming “obsolete.”

Going back to school, however, is not a panacea. One cannot simply and magically change their circumstances through the act of enrollment; in actuality, engagement is the key to successfully continuing your professional development. And it isn’t the result of taking classes. If you’re really committed to your development, it’s clearly the other way around: the engagement must come first!

don't go to college

Image is author's own

Don’t just go back to college. Engage in it instead! Applying to academic programs and enrolling in workshops are both symbolic acts. In and of themselves, they cannot cure career malaise. Only a mindset of engagement can help you achieve that goal.

What does it mean to be engaged? Engagement is a buzzword these days in higher education, but it’s more than that. It implies an intentionality of purpose, marked by an alignment of passion and practicality, idealism and action.

Moving forward with purpose

Simply put, attending a class or workshop is not enough to ensure forward movement in your life or career. If you expect education to be delivered unto you from on high, then you have no business going back to school.

But if you embrace the possibility that studying a topic will help round out your skill set, introduce you to new perspectives, or teach you practical skills—and you are ready to work practically and emotionally to approach the endeavor with ferocity, determination, and single-mindedness—then you may be ready to pursue further study.

Education doesn’t just happen to you

Education is not a passive activity. It cannot be something that happens to you; it is something that you must engage in! Before you apply to an academic program, ask yourself the following questions:

  • When did your interest in further education begin?
  • Was it the result of burning question you’ve held close to your heart, or of enjoyment of a particular task or activity? (i.e. Is it more about your passion for a topic than anything else?)
  • What do you hope to learn?
  • How do you hope to apply it?
  • What are you willing to sacrifice in exchange for it?

If you can’t answer these questions, then it is not time for you to return school. It is time to return to your passions, to pick them apart, and to take practical action.

Are there other activities that might allow you to learn new skills and apply them?

For example:

  • Are there opportunities among your current tasks at work or at home that might allow you to pursue your passions without sacrifice?
  • Do your current circumstances allow you to apply the knowledge and skills you are seeking?
  • If so, why aren’t you pursuing those options right now?
  • If not, what are you willing to do to pursue other opportunities?

You must be an active participant in your life and career. View it as a great adventure: your adventure. You choose the destination. You set the course. And when you are truly ready, you’ll look forward to the next opportunity, ready to engage.

Have you ever needed to re-engage with your work? How did you do it? Did study have a role to play? I’d love to hear your experiences in the comments.

Sean Cook is a Life Purpose and Career Coach from Athens, GA, whose practice is geared toward assisting individuals pursue purposeful careers in higher education. Read more from Sean at HigherEdCareerCoach.com.

5 Ways to Nail That Job Interview

This post is by Steve of The Confidence Guy.

I don’t have to tell you that going to a job interview can be stressful, particularly in today’s climate where competition is higher than ever.  The date of the interview starts to loom, you pile on the pressure and you become a nervous wreck before you even shake the hand of your potential employer.

Here are five ways to gather your self-confidence and nail your next interview.

1. Don’t over-prepare

job interview

Photo courtsey I Don't Know Maybe, licensed under Creative Commons

I once turned up at an interview knowing nothing about the company, what they did or what they wanted.  It didn’t go well, and I’m surprised that the interviewer didn’t kick me out of the building.

There’s no substitute for knowing your stuff, so be ready to talk about your successes and know something about the company’s products, services and positioning, but be careful not to over-prepare.

Over-prepare and you end up putting more pressure on yourself to have all that knowledge at hand, and you end up sounding overly rehearsed or stilted, giving canned answers to questions or second-guessing what you should say next.

So while you need to know what you’re talking about, you have to leave room to think on your feet and space to be at your best.

2. Go ahead and be nervous

The very fact that you’ve been invited to interview means that they think you might be right for the job.  That’s a Good Thing.

It’s easy to focus on the drama of the interview and what happens if you screw up, but focusing on the pitfalls, problems and panic will only ever give you more drama, and that’s exactly what you don’t need.

Once you get into thinking, “Oh boy, I’m so nervous. My hands are shaking, I bet I’ll say something wrong.  I hate being nervous.  I’m screwed,” it’s so much harder bring yourself back to your senses and be at your best.  Sure, interviews can make you nervous , but it’s okay to be nervous.  The problem is thinking that being nervous is a problem.

So watch for when you start telling yourself negative stories about being nervous, and reassure yourself that it’s okay.  After all, if you weren’t nervous it means one of two things: either you don’t care or you’re not interested.

3. Remember it’s a two-way street

I’ll be willing to bet that either you or someone you know has landed a new job in the past, only to find that either it wasn’t everything it was promised to be, or that the company was just plain bad.

That’s why an interview has to be a two-way street.  It’s a method of establishing whether you’re the best candidate for a role and if the role and organization is a good fit for you.  It’s not simply about the interviewer pulling out the information they need to make their decisions, you need to get the information you need to make your decision.  Keep that in mind and you’ll see that it’s a level playing field—there’s no “upper hand.”

4. Put your lips together and blow

The whole point of an interview is to show the interviewer how good you are at what you do.  Fail to do that effectively and it’s game over.

So you have to be ready to blow your own trumpet (hence “put your lips together and blow”, I don’t know what you were thinking about!). You have to be ready to big up your achievements and sell yourself.

The best way to do that is to get comfortable with your achievements.  Don’t downplay them or think it’s egotistical to talk about them—look for great results you’ve had in the past and the part you played in them.  What strengths did you apply that helped that come about?  What talents did you use to shape things?  Get clear on your achievements and capabilities and you give your interviewer real-world examples—that’s exactly the information they’re looking for.

5. Enjoy yourself

If you look like the interview is torture or are just generally down-beat, you won’t get hired. It’s as simple as that.

Worrying about how you think you ought to behave, how an employer wants you to come across or second-guessing what “being professional” looks like are sure-fire ways to look pained.  Having interviewed a good few people in my corporate past I know there’s one thing that made candidates stand out head and shoulders above the rest: the fact that they were enjoying themselves, not just in the interview, but generally in their lives.

If you’re engaging with what you’re doing and enjoying where you are, it comes across strongly and speaks volumes.  So relax, smile, have some interesting conversations, and even have a bit of a chuckle.

Even if you don’t get the job, at least you know you were you, and not worrying or trying to be someone else.  Enjoy it, engage with it and bring who you are to the table.

What tips can you add from your experience in job interviews? I’d love to hear them!

Steve is a superstar confidence coach who makes you want to build a life you love. He also makes a fantastic ragu, and while he can’t promise you a batch, he’ll promise to help you find your natural confidence so that you can put your dent in the universe. Grab his RSS feed here and follow Steve on Twitter.

The Business of Life: Get Things Done

This post is by Brandon Yanofsky of brandonyanofsky.com.

Life gets so overwhelming sometimes. It feels like we have so much stuff to do, and not enough time to do it. Important things in our lives get put on the backburner, and we never end up doing them. It could be something as simple as cleaning out your garage or as big as quitting your job and starting a business.

I’ll be the first to admit that I’m horrible at accomplishing personal goals. My room has been dirty for a couple of months. But I accomplish my business goals quickly and frequently.

So I asked myself, “What do I do differently in my business life than I do in my personal life?”

Niching down

Let me tell you a little story so you fully understand what “niching down” is, and how I did it.

A few months ago, I decided my next business would be providing Internet marketing services. If you are familiar with the Internet marketing industry, it seems like everyone and his mother is becoming an Internet marketer. I realized I could never accomplish my goal of becoming a successful Internet marketer if I approached the task by trying to be better than everyone else; it’s just too saturated.

So I niched down. I decided to target a specific market and become the best at that market. My market: salons near Los Angeles, CA. I told myself I’d become the best providing Internet marketing for salon near Los Angeles, CA. That seemed easy enough to accomplish. Once I achieved that goal, I could go after another niche market, and then another, and one day, become one of the best Internet marketers.

It’s been working quite well. I started up thesalonmarketer.com to provide these services. Only a few months ago did becoming a successful Internet marketer seem impossible. Now it seems very, very possible.

But the point of this story isn’t about my business—it’s about life.

Niche down your life

In life, we set huge goals for ourselves. Your goal to clean your entire garage is like my goal to become a great Internet marketer: it seems insurmountable.

Instead, let’s niche down. Just like I decided to take on one specific market, take on one specific task that will get you closer to cleaning your garage. That might be cleaning only one shelf. Once you accomplish that, you can clean the next shelf. And maybe throw away the junk in one corner.

By niching our seemingly impossible goals into easy-to-do, small tasks, things will get done.

What will you do?

What have you been wanting to do in your life?

Now’s the time. Break it down, conquer one niche at a time, and your goal will become real. Tell us how you’ll do it in the comments.

If you’d like to read more articles by Brandon Yanofsky, you can read his blog about stress relief.

What the Achuar Tribe Can Teach You About Overcoming Obstacles

This post is by Karol K of newInternetOrder.com.

“The who?!” says you.

The Achuar. Image by Enrique Amigo, used under Creative Commons license

The Achuar are small community or tribe of South American Indians living in the Amazon.

When I say tribe, I really mean it. The Achuar live in small villages. A typical household is shaped as a large oval, without outer walls and with a high roof made out of palm tree fronds. Their way of living is somewhat typical to other South American tribes. Women gather and take care of the household while men hunt and work in the forest.

There’s no Internet, no iPods, no electricity, and no medicines—the nearest doctor is thousands of miles away. Basically, there’s nothing we take for granted in our everyday lives.

How can a community survive with no doctors and no medicines? (Even without witch-doctors.) The community members have to figure something out on their own, and create substitutes out of what’s available around them. That means that an average man has to know which herbs and plants can be turned into medicines.

Over the generations the Achuar have gathered rather extensive knowledge about all of this. So whenever someone feels a little under the weather they just toss some herbs into a pot, mix it with other herbs, and voila—the medicine is ready. Of course, strict proportions need to be maintained, so it’s a bit more complicated than this. But what’s interesting is that they can create a medicine for many common ailments: headache, fever, food poisoning, diarrhea, and so on.

That’s not all…

As if that wasn’t unusual, the Achuar have decided to publish a book. Yes, a book. A book containing their knowledge of herbal treatment. I don’t mean just some words jotted down on a palm frond. I mean a normal book, printed on white paper, and written in Spanish (not perfect Spanish, though).

I don’t even know how they managed to do it, or where they started. I have literally no idea where I would start if I were to publish a book while living in the middle of the rainforest, and knowing almost next to nothing about how the modern world functions. Yet they did it.

So I have just one question for you…

What the heck have you done lately?!

If a small tribe living in the Amazon can publish a book, what can you accomplish? I doubt that you have bigger obstacles standing in your way. Here are a few lessons you and I can learn from the Achuars.

1. “Whether you think you can or whether you think you can’t, you’re right.”

This quote’s actually from Henry Ford, not the Achuar. But fortunately it ties rather well into this post!

2. Don’t worry about what other people think about your project

Whenever somebody says something is impossible, what they really mean is: “I don’t know how to do it.” So if they don’t know, they can’t help you. Fine. Ignore them, and get an opinion from someone who can be of help. Simply become a leader yourself—stop searching for one.

3. Obstacles are not something that should keep you from trying to achieve your goals

An obstacle in business (or in life for that matter) is nothing more than just that—an obstacle. Just like an obstacle on a treadmill. You need to find a way around it and keep running forward.

4. Focus only on one nearest possible task that can be executed right now, and take action

The steps will reveal themselves once you’re on your way. When you think about it, the nearest possible task is all you need to know in order to achieve anything. After this first task is done, come up with another one, and then the next one, and so on, until you achieve your final goal. Besides, it’s rarely effective to be doing more than one thing at a time.

And now for the ultimate take-away from this post, something you might actually want to write down and keep in sight, as it’s highly motivating by itself:

The Achuars have published a book. What the heck have you done lately?!

Are you still in the mood to complain over how tough life is, and how hard it is to go out there and create something of your own? Don’t be. It could be worse—keep that in mind. Besides, transforming your life takes only five steps.

Karol K. (@carlosinho) is a 20-something year old web 2.0 entrepreneur from Poland who shares his thoughts at newInternetOrder.com. Tune in to get his Getting Things Done (GTD) tips and other personal productivity advice.

Like Best Next Time

This post is by Marly McMillen of NamelyMarly.

I have a few theories in life and one of them is this, “If you want to be good at something, be prepared to fail.” Kind of a negative life mantra, eh? To be good at something, you have to be prepared to do it badly.

Image is author's own

Sure, there are exceptions to every rule, and the virtuosos in this world may not seem to fit my little theory. That’s because they can play Mozart concertos on the piano at age five. But then again, their savant-like talent is usually concentrated on one thing, like that piano. They may not have any idea at all about how to paint or play tennis.

And that’s where my theory comes into play again. If you’re a virtuoso at the piano, the only way to get good at photography is to be a failure at it … sometimes quite miserably.

Of course, there’s also the other end of the spectrum with those who adopt failure as a way of life. They’re like the proverbial fly against the window, doing a miserable job trying to get through the same dead-end corner. But both ends of the spectrum aside, if you want to get better at guitar, or painting, or public speaking, all of these skills require that you do them badly … at least to begin with.

And that’s the thing that holds a lot of us back. Fear of failure, or a desire to do things perfectly, can make you and the people around you miserable.

Like best next time

Like Best Next Time is a phrase a colleague and I used when working on a recent project together. As is typical for a lot of us, we were working for a boss with unrealistic expectations; he wanted a project rolled out on an impossible timeline. And he wanted it to come in far below what we had projected in terms of costs.

We wallowed in misery by sharing our favorite boss-bashing Dilbert cartoons, which surprisingly helped a lot. But time was ticking and we knew we had to get busy and produce real results.

I’m sure you know the saying about project expectations: You can have only two of these three—fast, cheap or perfect. We decided to give the boss the two he asked for, fast and cheap, but perfect would be a work in progress.

And that’s what we did. And you know what? It turned out to be one of the most enjoyable and productive projects any of us had ever worked on. Without the harness of perfectionism tethering us to a defined stake in the ground, we were all able to relax, throw out creative (if not sometimes zany) ideas, and work together with ease. We eventually turned out a product that was beyond all our expectations. It still didn’t meet our self-defined expectations of perfection, but it was definitely a high-quality project with potential to become even better.

How can you know if perfectionism is holding you back?

Perfectionism can take a miserable and sometimes tragic toll on individuals and the people around them. Consider French Chef Bernard Loiseau who committed suicide after his restaurant received a slightly lower rating than it had in the past. In their book, When Perfect Isn’t Good Enough Martin Anthony and Richard Swinson describe a perfectionist as someone who has, “strict standards or expectations for oneself or others that either cannot be met or can only be met at a great cost.”

On one hand, having a drive to constantly improve can actually be a good thing. Problems arise, however, when you raise the bar to impossible levels and place your entire self worth on the outcomes of reaching those impossible goals.

That’s why perfectionism frequently results in depression, anger problems, anxiety, and obsessive-compulsive behaviors.

How do you know if you suffer from perfectionism? There are some tale-tell traits. Do you recognize any of the following in yourself?

  • You’re not satisfied with anything less than complete perfection (which usually means you prefer to do things yourself rather than entrusting it to others).
  • You feel constantly worried about details.
  • You think of mistakes as evidence of your unworthiness.
  • You’re overly defensive when criticized.
  • You have standards that are impossible or nearly impossible to reach.
  • You have an all or nothing attitude—things are either good or bad, which can lead to procrastinating. Why start something if it can’t be perfect?

How can you learn to release the notion of perfectionism?

Perfectionism is not only self-detrimental, it also impacts those around you. Acknowledging perfectionistic traits is a great first step and even better when followed by creating a list of how these traits are holding you back. You can also find ways to embrace your complete self, flaws and all. That means learning to love a little bit of failure here and there…as part of a process toward improvement. Don’t avoid practicing guitar because you don’t sound like Stevie Ray Vaughan. He probably didn’t start out sounding so great either.

Lots of books provide steps on how you can be happier, but I’ve found none to be as effective as this one. Learn to live with a “like best next time” mentality. Do your best and learn how to do it better next time.

Are you a perfectionist? Does that hold you back? Share your experiences in the comments.

Marly McMillen has a passion for life, family, vegan food, and names. She writes about all of these and more on her site at NamelyMarly. Marly’s podcast, NamelyMarly, can be found on iTunes, where she interviews people about their names. The people she interviews include famous authors, models, and even the people she meets at the park. Marly is also passionate about healthy food and shares vegan recipes as well.

How the Scarcity Mindset Hurts Your Creativity

This post is by Michelle of Take Back Your Creativity.

Here’s the thing about creativity: it’s all in your head. Even if you say there’s something outside of you that gives you ideas, they still end up in your head. And the thing about something in your head is this: your worldview, thoughts, and opinions will greatly affect it, and how it’s brought into the world.

Nowhere does this show as clearly as in the way we treat our ideas. People apply the scarcity mindset to their ideas and end up hoarding them. “No!,” they cry. “That’s my idea, you can’t have it.” Or, often heard from bloggers: “I think I should use my best ideas for my site instead of guest posts.”

Ideas are intangible things, completely without form and thus without limit. And, of course, they are abundant. They’re everywhere—how many ideas do you have in a random week? Okay, they’re not necessarily good ideas, but they’re ideas nonetheless.

Now think about how you treat your ideas when you’re influenced by the scarcity mindset. You hoard them or save an idea for later, when you can do justice to it. You don’t tell anyone about your latest idea, whether for fear of them ridiculing you, or fear of them stealing it. You wind up believing, consciously or not, that there exists only a finite number of ideas—more importantly, there’s only a finite number of good ideas—and so you treat them as if there will never be enough to go around. Big mistake.

When you treat your ideas this way, you set up creative blocks. Instead of treasuring the ideas you do have, you’re worrying about where the next one will come from. Instead of using them (and of course, ideas love to be put into action), you’re letting them get dusty on a shelf somewhere. Eventually, the part of you that creates ideas, that pulls them out of the ether—whether you believe that’s your subconscious, a higher self, or a daemon—will start to think you obviously don’t value them if you treat them so, and then the ideas dry up. They cease to come to you, and when they do come, it’s only with much effort.

Here’s a novel idea: instead of hoarding your ideas, use them relentlessly. They don’t have to be used in public, if you’re shy about them or not sure they’re that good—but use them somehow. Test them out, play with them, put them into action.

This sends a message to yourself that yes, these ideas will get used, yes, you do value them, yes, send more, please and thank you! Even if you’re only writing the ideas down and keeping track of them in a swipe file—and that’s all you do with that idea for now—that sends a little signal that you’re willing to act on the idea.

The less ideas you work on, the less ideas you have. So get crackin’!

Michelle is a writer and creative strategist living in Austin. She just launched Take Back Your Creativity, an ebook, workbook, and audio kit intended to help you integrate your creative life & your daily life, increase your creative output, and navigate around creative blocks and burnout. Check it out here, or you can read her writings at Wicked Whimsy.