This post is by Parker Lee, of HowtoMingle.com.
“You will eat noodles tonight. And you love cupcakes. I don’t care what you say! You’ll eat it and love it.”
What if someone always thought and spoke for you? How would that make you feel?
What if I told you that most people do this, and you likely fall into this category? There’s an epidemic ladies and gentlemen, and it’s called being a ridiculously rude person.
There are two types of rude people in this world: the kind that loves to be one, and the kind that has absolutely no idea that they are one.
You and I have been guilty of speaking and thinking for others and, without our knowledge, people have been calling us names that would cause grandma to gasp!
Let’s be real. Deep down inside we want people to like us. Heck, we want them to love us!
So let’s be besties and make that happen, and together, we’ll have people lining up to be a part of our crew. We’ll call our gang, “Parker and friends,” no? Okay fine, we’ll work on our crew name later.
But first, I need to give you the 411 on the two most common mistakes on how most people are coined Ridiculously Rude Person. Then, I’ll give you some tips on how to be friends with anyone, any time, anywhere.
Conversational mistake #1: talking from The God Perspective
The God Perspective involves talking about facts. For example: “New York is great. It’s a big city. There are a lot of taxi cabs there.”
When you speak in the God perspective, it’s easy to start an argument, because you’re trying to define reality, which is not something we can do for anyone but ourselves.
Conversational mistake #2: talking from The You Perspective
Here’s an example: “You know, when you’re in New York, it’s really big. And when you have to get across the city you can take a cab because there are a lot there.”
If the person you’re talking to has never been to New York or any large city, they will not be able to relate to what you’re talking about. Even though they will mindlessly nod along to your story, no genuine connection will be made (the only exception to this rule of thumb is when you know the person has a history on the subject you’re discussing).
People who speak in The You Perspective assume reality for others. This is not an attractive thing to do, but many people talk this way by default.
Solution: talking from The I Perspective
I encourage you to speak from The I Perspective. Doing so makes you relatable. It’s more important to speak in a relatable way than to try and relate to everything other people say. Speaking from The I Perspective is an important part of leading an interaction with someone else. It’s sexy. And I know you wanna be sexy!
An example? “I like New York because I think the people are friendly and I enjoy the taxi cab lifestyle.”
This will be a challenge if you have been trained to speak from the other perspectives I mentioned. But in the social world, The I Perspective is king.
Why Should I?
Speaking from The I Perspective is how friends talk to each other. It’s like constantly giving your opinion. Let’s talk about speaking of our own opinions.
Speaking of your opinions using The I Perspective is very powerful, because your opinions derive from your personal experiences, which shape our values and beliefs.
If you speak from your opinion, it will allow someone else to speak from their opinion. Do not take this for granted.
In revealing to you their opinion, your conversation partner expresses their values and beliefs—their own life experiences and, on a deeper level, their triumphs and heartaches. This is real talk—an emotional connection that’s powerful, yet subtle. Use this for good, and use it well.
And last but not least: be honest. I believe in honesty. I will never lie to you, or anyone for that matter. I believe in being real, and the real secret to attracting people into your life is to be honest with yourself. People relate to honesty. People relate to others who are real, uncensored and raw.
Let down your guard, embrace who you are, and be proud of it. This is something that took me some time, after years of trying to be someone I wasn’t. Now, I can truly say that I love myself, my life, and who I have become. And from dealing with hundreds of clients, I know that it’s a rare and magical thing to say. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Parker Lee is a writer and coach who teaches people How to Become a 24/7 Attractive Person. He uses what he had learned through various self-development seminars, and his own life’s experiences to successfully coach hundreds of clients all around the world (New York, L.A, Amsterdam, Singapore, Manila to name a few) in the areas of: Conversation, Self Development, and Dating. Parker Blogs at HowtoMingle.com. You can sign up for his free, ebook, “Howtomingle101: Your guide to meeting and connecting with anyone, anytime, anywhere.”